Somehow
by Shattered Midnight Dreams
Summary: She really didn't mean to sound so cold.' Whether she initially wants it or not, Tomoyo finds comfort from an unlikely source at Sakura's wedding reception. ExT oneshot - it's a little angsty, but also quite sweet.


__

The insane musings of the authoress: This is an ExT (of a sort) in honour of my being on the favourites lists of over 100 members of (actually, because it took me so long to come up with a suitable oneshot, I'm on the list of over one hundred and twenty authors now).

Also, this is fic number thirty, which is pretty special, too. Well, actually, not really very special, but it's more special than fic number twelve, for example.

Anyway, this is for those one hundred and twenty people, especially lilqtazn35, because she rocks and my little sister, for reading it over and giving her opinion.

__

Summary: 'She really didn't mean to sound so cold.' Whether she initially wants it or not, Tomoyo finds comfort from an unlikely source at Sakura's wedding reception. ExT oneshot - it's a little angsty, but also quite sweet.

__

Somehow

Tomoyo had thought about this before. She'd always known that someday, somewhere along the road, she'd be sitting at Sakura's wedding reception.

Not everything fit the image she'd had, though - she hadn't imagined they would be so young - just eighteen. It was frustrating, in a way - at eighteen, your life was supposed to be about that guy from the bar the other night who hadn't yet called, it was supposed to be about watching movies in your pyjamas with your best friend…

Not getting engaged, and planning weddings, and moving away.

And yet, somehow, here she was - sitting on a chair at the edge of the dancefloor, clad in a long, flowing gown of a floaty material in shades of purple and pink. On her head she had a tiara woven of green vines that had Sakura flowers on them.

The whole thing had been Tomoyo's idea, of course.

Tomoyo heaved a sigh and adjusted her camcorder to get a better shot of the blushing bride. Loyal to the end. Trying, as ever, to steal a part of someone else's life so that she could come that tiny bit closer to truly living. And that thought was so depressing that she tasted salt on her lip.

Then she saw _him_ - and the sight was both welcome and for some reason, made her want to vomit. She knew it was impossible, of course, to feel both emotions at the same time, and yet…

"Daidouji-san," he said. It was neither a greeting nor a question, merely an acknowledgement, so she felt it safe to let him stay.

"Hiiragizawa-san," she said. She really hadn't meant it to sound so cold.

For some reason, he sat in the vacant chair next to her.

__

I didn't ask you to sit.

"You didn't tell me not to," he said with a shrug, fixing her with those eyes.

"How did you -"

"It's written all over your face."

There was an awkward pause at this point, Eriol looking uncomfortable in the tuxedo he was wearing.

"Are you okay?" he asked, rather stupidly, if only to break the silence. Her look told him everything.

"I have to admit, I thought not. Stupid question, I guess."

"Extremely," she agreed, checking the view through her camcorder again.

__

You couldn't make it better anyway.

"You won't even let me try," he said, and this time she threw him a definite glare.

"Hiiragizawa, if you are reading my mind, I swear I'll -" she began, her words laced with venom.

"No, it's the title of this song, 'You Won't Even Let Me Try' by Scarlet," Eriol replied coolly, not looking at her.

"Okay, now I know you're lying -" Tomoyo began.

"It's Kaho's favourite song," he said calmly, his blue eyes taking on a steely glint as he looked at her, his gaze boring a hole, almost challenging her to make it worse…

Tomoyo's eyes opened wide. He doubted she could have looked more surprised if he had slapped her.

"I'm so sorry," she breathed.

He shrugged.

"I guess now we're even as far as saying stupid things go," he said simply.

"Anyway, Tomoyo, I know this is hard for you, loving Syaoran with all your heart as you do -" he began, shooting her a smile. _Anything to try and elicit a smile from her, even if she was only being polite…_

Tomoyo felt that this was hardly the time for joking, and yet she felt herself laugh, before she could stop it.

"And, of course, you must be quite cut up yourself -" Tomoyo began.

"Ah yes, because we all know how much I love Sakura -" he continued. Tomoyo looked surprised.

"Oh, but I always thought it was Syaoran," she said, eyes wide in false innocence. Eriol laughed, but then _that look_ was back on Tomoyo's face as she watched the newlyweds revolve slowly on the dancefloor, with those violet eyes that saw too much.

"I'm sorry," Eriol whispered.

"What for? It's not your fault," Tomoyo stated simply with a shrug of her shoulders, but her voice was bitter.

"I don't know, but I'm still sorry. I'm sorry you love her, I'm sorry that you were crying, I'm sorry that it hurts so much -" he had wiped the tear-track off her face and tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear when she moved forward suddenly and… Kissed him.

It was hurried and clumsy, her lips tasted of salt and so stung his. In her haste she had simply smashed her mouth roughly against his, so he gently showed her how to do it more softly, his arms coming around her of their own accord, enveloping her in a warm, strong embrace.

The curls of her hair brushed the backs of his hands as he grasped the material of her dress at the middle of her back. It felt like he was trying to keep from drowning. And in that one kiss he said too much yet revealed too little. In the passionate fire it became, he told her more than he ever should. He enjoyed it more than he should ever have let himself.

It was to be his downfall. A lifetime of pain for a moment's pleasure. And somehow, there was a voice in his head that proclaimed it was worth it.

She pulled away, violet eyes surveying him before finally locking on the blue of his own.

"Well, did that do anything for you?" he joked weakly.

She blinked and appeared to remember herself.

"I'm sorry, I wanted to know what it is Sakura feels when she kisses Li-kun," Tomoyo said, then gave the poorest excuse for a smile Eriol had ever seen. Then she went back to watching the couple dance.

'_This has got to be the longest first dance for a newly-married couple_ ever,' Eriol thought.

"And?" Eriol prompted, morbid curiosity taking over him. She blushed immediately, her silence speaking volumes.

"It's different for them, Daidouji-san," he said wisely, "they're in love."

Somehow, Tomoyo managed a more real smile as she watched them, Sakura in the wedding dress that Tomoyo had designed. Sakura was also wearing a contented smile as she looked at her husband. Tomoyo made sure to zoom in on it.

"They do love each other, don't they?" Tomoyo asked, looking sad and happy at the same time, "she loves him, he loves her. It's perfect, really, isn't it?"

"Yes, I love you," Eriol murmured.

"Sorry, what was that?" Tomoyo asked; she was concentrating on her videotaping again.

"Nothing," Eriol replied.

And this is where we leave them - a maid of honour furiously videotaping her best friend, the bride, while an usher, feeling awkward, proceeds to crush his empty plastic cup which was previously filled with punch.

But, in a few minutes, a nervous request to dance will be accepted.

….

A.N. Well, this was certainly serious. See, all my silliness is used up on 'Butterflies'. I don't know if this actually qualifies as angst or not - the ending I was going to go for originally was just too depressing, so I decided on this.

To be honest, I'm fully in two minds about the ending. Maybe it depends on how I read it back to myself, but sometimes it seems perfect, and sometimes I feel it's too incomplete and it sucks.

But I agonised over the ending for about twenty minutes (and the whole thing only took about an hour in total, including author's notes and everything), and it had about four different endings before I decided on this.

As far as the piece as a whole goes, I think I like it. It sort of swings from angst, to humour, to romance (of an angsty sort), then more angst, then it ends in sort of a hopeful fashion and it's perfectly reasonable to suggest that, after this, there could have been a happy ending for ET, quite feasibly.

Which wasn't actually what I was originally going for - I wanted total angst and suffering. I guess I just don't have the heart for that - it was crushing me to write the original, totally miserable ending, so I had to change it.

And it does get slightly silly in places, but I honestly was making a (bad) attempt at seriousness.

Anyway, I don't know why I'm writing this, nobody ever bothers to read the author's note, do they? Well, I always do, but then I'm just strange…

Another huge thanks to everyone I mentioned in the dedication list at the start. This is totally, one hundred percent for you guys.

Shattered Midnight Dreams…zzz…

Because life's like that sometimes…


End file.
